They Did!!!!!

Photo Credit: ComellMare (Flickr)

L'chaim! To LIFE!

Seth, David, Ruth and I just returned from an absolutely gorgeous wedding. Sitting among redwood trees on a beautiful day, we celebrated the union of two amazing people whom we love dearly and respect. They stood under the chuppah with their son and daughter. They circled each other. They spoke their vows. They said the prayers and drank the wine. They broke the glass. We clapped as they kissed each other and came down the aisle.

Hors d'eovres were passed. We ate a buffet lunch at circular tables with gorgeous floral centerpieces with burgundy, pink and ivory flowers. They danced their first dance as we all blew bubbles at them. The cake was gorgeous (and delicious). They cut it and fed it to each other, and then it was passed all around. We toasted with champagne (sparkling apple cider for the kids), and some of the folks went on and on, but we laughed during some of the toasts. We danced some more until the kids were exhausted, and then we came home.

Sound familiar (except maybe the kids under the chuppah)????????? If you've ever been to a Jewish wedding, you know what I mean. Heck, even if you haven't, a lot of this is probably familiar to you.

Well, this wedding was different. This was a Jewish lesbian wedding. So when the rabbi said, "by the power vested in me by the State of California, I now pronounce you married," there were resounding cheers. When my son David asked why everyone was clapping and cheering, I told him that it wasn't always legal for grown-ups to marry whomever they want, and that I hope if he ever decides to marry when he grows up, he can marry the love of his life. He looked puzzled. This seemed like a perfectly normal celebration to him.

Our friends have been together for 18 years, which in some ways seems like an appropriate time to stand under the chuppah and say your vows. It's a good omen because the number 18, after all, is significant to Jews, as it signifies life (the numbers corresponding to the letters in the Hebrew word for life add up to 18). But how many people do you know who waited 18 years into their relationship to get married? You figure by then, they realize that it isn't right, or they take the plunge.

One of the brides said today: "We didn't want to formalize our relationship until it was legal. We finally don't feel like we're not allowed to do this. We don't feel like we're not equal."

The tears streamed down my face.

Coincidentally, a young woman came to our house yesterday and my husband answered the door. She handed him materials about California's Proposition 8 and encouraged him to support it. In case you don't know, if passed, Proposition 8 would amend the California Constitution to declare that marriage is defined as between a man and a woman.

The Constitution? Does this have you scratching your head as much as it has me scratching mine? Why the heck do we need to amend the constitution this way. In this country where, in theory, we believe in equal rights under the law?

Aren't there more important things to be spending energy on than this?

If you haven't heard, MILLIONS of dollars are going into the campaign to support Prop 8. And some of those millions don't even come from California. What would happen if those dollars could go to truly important issues in California - let's say education?

Anyway, if I had answered the door, I would have asked those questions. Plus:

• The supporters of Prop 8 argue that domestic partnership is just as good as a legally valid marriage. Really? Was separate but equal OK for blacks?
• Interracial marriage was illegal not too long ago. Would that make sense in this day and age?
  
• If you had a child, wouldn't you want him or her to be able to marry the love of his or her life? Or would you stop loving him or her and support the denial of that right?
  
• How the heck does someone else's sexuality affect you?
• At the risk of offending the deeply religious supporters of this amendment, and as someone who believes in God, I could not believe that the kind and loving side of God that I know would encourage flat out discrimination of this kind.
  

The timing of this visit was great. Seth told the young woman that he believed in equal rights for everyone. He also told her that today, we'd be going to a marriage of lesbian friends of ours. She asked, "don't you think that is settting a bad example for your children?" And he replied, "we're taking them."

This was a bit too much for the young woman to handle, so she muttered something like, "Oh. OK," and left.

If that young woman could have been at the wedding today, what she would have seen would have felt very familiar to her. The redwood grove was full of love. Maybe if she had been there today, she'd think twice about what pamphlets to hand out from door to door.