Support - for marital rights

In this time of clarity (not cycling in either direction), I can offer support.

It's a karma thing. I feel I am asking so often for support that I need to give it back whenever and however I can. It's not like I do it because I feel guilty - really, I feel good about it.

Anyhoo......... Enough about me. Let's talk about the support I'm offering today.

My best friend from law school is gay. Yesterday, I was talking to him on the phone and he was very down (for a variety of reasons). Anyway, the subject of his wedding came up and I offered to bake (I can't help myself). He told me that all he wants is for people to help in the fight against the ballot initiative to amend the California constitution to ban gay marriage.

I never thought this blog would become political (and frankly, I don't think there will be much else here that is) but I want to share a website to spread the word for him. If you believe in the right for anyone to marry, you can offer support at: http://www.eqca.org/site/pp.asp?c=kuLRJ9MRKrH&b=4026385

I've put a link to it on the right hand side of my blog.

Frankly, I just don't get it. Why are conservative folks are spending millions, maybe billions of dollars on something that really doesn't change their lives one bit? Couldn't they just send the money to Pennies for Peace instead? Sheesh.

A thought to end this post:
"I never cease being dumbfounded by the unbelievable things people believe." - Leo Rosten (1908-)

Calm. Amidst the Storms

This may be my first post since I started the blog when I'm feeling fine. It's like a milestone I've reached.

I feel a little guilty for being fine. Isn't that silly?

I feel bad because others are not fine.

There are fires raging all around in Northern California and so far, I only have to deal with smoke in the air and in my eyes.

I have friends and family suffering for various reasons, and that makes me sad.

But I'm actually OK. Which I guess for me means that I feel like what I can control is under control now.

On the other hand, I'm bipolar, which means that this is the calm before the storm. I just hope it's a long time before the lightening strikes again.

Thought to end this post:
Weather is a great bluffer. I guess the same is true of our human society - things can look dark, then a break shows in the clouds and all is changed. - E.B. White (1899-1985)

No, It Ain't Leave it to Beaver

I don't look at my childhood through rose colored glasses. I remember the fear more than the happiness a lot of the time. But there were moments of joy.

My relationship with Seth has had its ups and downs, but I could not ask for a more wonderful life partner.

My kids piss me off from time to time - sometimes a LOT. But they are such miracles and can bring me more joy than anyone or anything.

My in-laws can be exhausting and time consuming, but they love me a lot, and I love them.

My sister and her family are too far away, but we love being with them when we can.

Seth and I are settled into our jobs. Kids are happily ensconced in their summer activities. Mom's been pretty stable on her meds, and I'm getting there (I hope/think). We've settled into a routine with my FIL's caretaking.

I even made it through a week with Mom staying in my house!

All packed and ready to depart at the crack of dawn tomorrow for the 2008 annual vacation with my family: Mom, Dad, Seth, David, Ruth and me, plus my sister, her husband and my niece and nephew. A week of fun in the sun and togetherness.

• Reality: Friday, June 13, 2008 - Family unit chugging along. Not Leave it to Beaver, but my normal. Comforting in its own way.
  

Vacation day one. Dinner.

My brother-in-law and my sister are fighting. Not respectful disagreement here. Not respectful at all.

Resentful. Angry. Fighting.

Fighting? Yes, that was fighting I saw.

IN FRONT OF ALL OF US?

Fighting about their kids. IN FRONT OF THEM?

WE JUST GOT HERE!

Is this real? After over 10 years of marriage, fighting. Yes, fighting.

How long has this been going on? WHY DIDN'T SHE TELL ME BEFORE?

• Reality: Saturday, June 14, 2008 - In a single moment as the sun went down over the Pacific Ocean, a glass shattered in my heart.
  

A thought to end this post:
"All marriages are mixed marriages." - Chantal Saperstein

Almost Back to Normal

Well, I've now had 2 weeks with my mother and she leaves tomorrow. Can you hear the sigh of relief as I type?

I'm exhausted from our family trip but made it home safely.

More to come when I can breathe more easily! Suffice it to say that there was a lot about this vacation that was strange and surprising, and heartbreaking.

Thought to end this post, and to precede the next one:
"We all carry around so much pain in our hearts. Love and pain and beauty. They all seem to go together like one tidy confusing packgage. It's a messy business, life. It's hard to figure - full of surprises. Some good. Some bad." - Henry Bromel

Hiatus

Hello my dear readers.

Just checking in/out. I'll be away on vacation for a week (much needed). If you don't hear from me, that's why.

I am on my way down, but hope to maintain something between manic and in the depths of hell...

take care all and enjoy your week!

A Late Night Manic Rhyme

Hands shaking
Bed making
Up late ice cream making

Floor pacing
Heart racing
Toys from the floor replacing

Floor to ceiling
Kitchen cleaning
Hoping I can find some meaning

Water drinking
Ice chewing
What the hell am I doing

Cleaning clothes
Goodness knows
My mind does not know where it goes

Gift wrapping
Typing, tapping
Oh! I really should be napping

Thought to end this post
"Doing nothing is very hard to do ... you never know when you're finished." - Leslie Nielson (1926-_)

Manic Radio

My kids are fond of listening to classical music on the way to school in the morning.

Usually, this is a great way to start our day together. Plus, one of these days, I have a feeling they will want to play music I can't stand, so I might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

Anyway...... as luck would have it, when I started up the car this morning, our favorite station was playing Flight of the Bumblebee by Rimsky-Korsakov. Now, as much as I just love saying Rimsky-Korsakov (it has such a ring to it, don't you think?) and although I do generally like the piece, IT IS CRUEL TO PLAY THAT SONG WHEN SOMEONE OUT THERE IN RADIO LAND MIGHT BE MANIC.

OK, so I overreacted there with the all caps, but I feel better already just reveling in how ridiculous that complaint is! :)

To bring me closer to earth now, I am going to look in on my incredible children in their beds and if they aren't asleep, I'm going to snuggle them. I might snuggle them anyway.

Peace to all of you out there in Bloglandia. I'm working on it in here.

Thoughts to end this post:
"Hope is necessary in every condition." - Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
"Laugh at yourself. You may never stop laughing." - I think this one is mine, but if not, sincere apologies to whomever said it.

Mania Haiku

Well, based on my meanderings on blogs over the last several months, it seems that haiku writing is de rigeur in Bloglandia, so I'm going to take my first shot at Haiku since, I don't know, maybe college, probably high school...

Denial. Again.
I HAD to make two ice creams.
I can't be manic.

Denial. Again.
I HAD to clean at 2 a.m.
I can't be manic.

Denial. Again.
I HAD to buy all those gifts.
I can't be manic.

Denial. Again.
I HAD to... could not say no.
I can't be manic.

Over committed.
I always have an excuse.
I am so manic.

Breathe in. Out. Repeat.
Regain my footing and push.
Push the rock back up.

With thanks and love to Sophie for calling my mania bluff.

Thought to end this post:
"The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it." - Flannery O'Connor (1925-1964)