Photo Credit: MShades (Flickr)Earlier this week, I had a particularly difficult interaction with my Evil Boss. She told me that my job is at risk because I'm forgetting things, and because of my mood swings. She said that I have to act happy whenever I'm in the office.
Act happy whenever I'm there????? Hello? Does everyone act happy all day at work? I mean, even the nice folks at Starbucks probably don't do that even though they are supposed to (I know my buddies at Peet's don't, but I really like them anyway). And as for me, I'm not happy much of the time.
Anyway, I've left a lot of the conversation out, but to sum it all up, this interaction sent me reeling. Really far down. And damn it all, Seth is out of town on business again this week.
So my AMAZING shrink made some time for me today. We've been adjusting my meds because of the memory issues, and when we adjust my meds, things can get topsy-turvy in mood-landia.
I told him the whole story and sat there and cried. He asked a great question: "What if I saw you the day prior to this discussion?" How would you have said you felt? What about your relationship with this woman is generating these deep feelings?
Whoa. Psychological vs. Psychiatric????? That is the question.
And off we went on an exploration of my feelings. I left his office with my head spinning.
One thing that he really made me face head-on, and it has been right in front of me for the last 3+ years. My manager is toxic for me. I don't really like my work any more. I have to figure out what to do when I grow up. Or at least what to do next.
My close friends have been telling me this for years. My family has been telling me this for years. And I have weakly said, "yeah, I know," or "one day I will."
I am about to say something that terrifies me: I am going to figure out something new to do. I have NO CLUE what that's going to be. But I will do it.
Whew. I've put it in writing now, and so I have to do it. I think I'm going to have to give myself a deadline for it. Or at least a deadline for getting out of my work situation (once I do the financial math).
Anyway, I send out into Bloglandia a request to help me think through options. I will entertain any and all suggestions. I have tough criteria:
- I don't have the self-esteem right now to go into business for myself
- I need to earn $
- I don't want to be too far away from my kids' school
- My physical and mental health require me to work part time
So far (and I'm not joking), I've gotten the following suggestions:
- butcher (wise-ass and really funny friend)
- baker (shrink)
- cabinet maker (wise-ass and really funny friend)
- massage therapist (wonderful friend)
In case you are wondering, I'm shaky, but OK. And for me, that's pretty darned good.
Thought to end this post:
Change is the constant, the signal for rebirth, the egg of the Phoenix. - Christina Baldwin
4 comments:
Hugs, babe. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I do like baker for you, but isn't that an entrepreneurial thing? How about if you just bake for me and I keep blogging. Could we live on the odd money here and there? ;)
Oo, and I called Sophie and the phone and talked to her in real life and everything. But you probably know that already, because we talked about how awesome you are and how she can't go a day without e-mailing you anyway. :)
You know which one I picked.
You've got a great coach on your wellness team. He's a keeper. His question was SO good.
P.S. I like your signature.
HOLY CRAP!!
I left this post and went over to Business Week's website right afterwards and look at this article that's on their front page
http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/08_34/b4097048763967.htm?chan=top+news_top+news+index_top+story
The cover story is on how to deal with TOXIC BOSSES!!
That was a great post.
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