My Metaphor Ain't a Roadtrip, but I Took the Test...

Usually, I detest blogquizzes that make grand assumptions about you/your life, but Storyteller referred me to The Road Trip Test, and it was one of the more interesting I've encountered. Thought I'd share my results and commentary. You can click on the link to the test if you want to take it.

Note: This photo came with my quiz results.
I'd rather use a picture of my beat-up 2003 Prius,
but it's too late at night to take one.
My car, with all its imperfections
tells you more about me.

You see life as precious and special. Heritage and family are very important to you.
Yup. On both counts. (Wow, I'm getting sucked in a bit here!)

Your life is quite hectic. You try to slow down when you can, but it's not easy!
Ummmm.... I'm a mom. I work outside the home (and this would probably be true even if I didn't). At the risk of being too disrespectful, "DUH!" Of course my life is quite hectic. My life usually moves at the speed of the TGV (even when I'm not in a manic cycle)! No, it is not easy to slow down! Heck, I usually don't slow down unless and until I'm brought to a halt uncontrollably.

You're willing to take a few risks in life. You may not take the road no one travels, but you're happy to take the road less traveled.
You bet your sweet bippy. Except the part that says, "You may not take the road no one travels." I've done that a lot. By accident. Good news is that generally, I can laugh about it.

You are able to find a fairly healthy balance between work and play. You work when you need to, but you never let yourself burn out. Gee, I'm bipolar. Balance (even "fairly healthy") is not exactly natural to me. Ability to find that balance is my goal. Not my reality. I do burn out. Sometimes first degree burns.

You see, these surveys just can't get at the nature of being bipolar. They ask you a few questions and based on the answers, come up with a conclusion. But I haven't seen one that asks whether on some days you want X and on others you want Y. They force a choice. And for someone like me, the choice can differ from day to day, week to week, month to month (you get it).

In another life, you could have been a great artist. You trust your creative instincts enough to let them lead you.
Wow! Where did this one come from?!? I love the notion that I could have been a great artist in another life. I'm trying to figure out if I trust the creative instincts enough to let them lead me.

Feet in the Mud

Photo courtesy of Kennejina (flikr)

Well, dear friends out there in bloglandia, I suppose it couldn't last . It never does.

So here's a picture that shows how I feel right now.

Sometimes, I spin down because of the Thought Monkeys to battle (thanks Sophie for that amazing analogy). Meditation (oh yeah, and meditation) is the most effective sword with which I defeat Thought Monkeys.

Yup, I've got some of those damned Monkeys right now. They're pretty small monkeys, but they're still annoying as hell.

I spent a good deal of time in the garden today. Now, when I close my eyes, all I see are weeds everywhere - spreading uncontrollably in spite of my daily hard work to uproot them. Weeds strangling the savory herbs and succulent vegetables I've nurtured up to now. Tonight, in my mind's eye, they are out of control. I'll have to battle these weedy visions when I get to bed.

But today isn't just a Thought Monkey kind of day. Oooooooh no - would that it were so simple.

This is one of those days where I also feel like I'm sinking into a pit of mud. I'm not so deep into it that I can't breathe yet, but I also don't feel the energy to lift my feet out. There's that rock and that mountain and no progress - maybe even backwards progress.

At these times, I have to focus on meditating, plus eating well and exercising. The problem is that these are the hardest times to take care of myself. There's an intrinsic inertia factor. Someone has to kick me in the ass or I have to do it myself. I made a conscious effort today - I spent a lot of time exercising.

Yet I still feel muddy. It's just so damned hard to try to pull myself out of it - I don't have more energy to try right now.

Tomorrow, Seth leaves for a week-long business trip. I hope I wake up with energy for my kids at least.

Thought to end this post:
"Pathetic," he said, "That's what it is. Pathetic."
(crosses stream)
"As I thought," he said, "no better from this side."
Eeyore/A.A. Milne (1882-1956)

Ah, sweet youth

Right now, David is dancing around the room to Maceo Parker. Completely uninhibited, as children can be (but adults rarely are). Unaware of my occasional glances and big grins in his direction.

Meanwhile, I groove to the music in my seat. Tap tap tap - my fingers in sync with the rhythm.

In my next life, maybe I'll be blessed with the ability to play horn like that! For now, I'll shake my shoulders, move my head and tap tap tap.

Thought to end this post:
I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. - Harry S. Truman (1884-1972)

Oh, love, worry not...

Seth just came downstairs frustrated that I'm not in bed.

"How can I wake you up early enough if you haven't gone to bed?"

Oh, dear Seth. I can wake up. I can do anything. Well, almost anything.

Please don't make me feel guilty that I can't sleep.

A thought to end this post:
"Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep." - Fran Lebowitz (1950 -)

Up, Up and Away in my Crazy Balloon

Photo courtesy of aoife mac (Flikr)

I'm getting that anxious, excited feeling in the pit of my throat.

Not sleeping.

Overcommitting. Heading up in my crazy hot air balloon.

I am superwoman! Hear me cry.

Let my mania explode and fade into the dark sky like a firework on the 4th of July.

Thought to end this post:
"Sometimes the cure for restlessness is rest." - Colleen Wainwright (Now here is a woman who is much smarter than I!)

Support - for marital rights

In this time of clarity (not cycling in either direction), I can offer support.

It's a karma thing. I feel I am asking so often for support that I need to give it back whenever and however I can. It's not like I do it because I feel guilty - really, I feel good about it.

Anyhoo......... Enough about me. Let's talk about the support I'm offering today.

My best friend from law school is gay. Yesterday, I was talking to him on the phone and he was very down (for a variety of reasons). Anyway, the subject of his wedding came up and I offered to bake (I can't help myself). He told me that all he wants is for people to help in the fight against the ballot initiative to amend the California constitution to ban gay marriage.

I never thought this blog would become political (and frankly, I don't think there will be much else here that is) but I want to share a website to spread the word for him. If you believe in the right for anyone to marry, you can offer support at: http://www.eqca.org/site/pp.asp?c=kuLRJ9MRKrH&b=4026385

I've put a link to it on the right hand side of my blog.

Frankly, I just don't get it. Why are conservative folks are spending millions, maybe billions of dollars on something that really doesn't change their lives one bit? Couldn't they just send the money to Pennies for Peace instead? Sheesh.

A thought to end this post:
"I never cease being dumbfounded by the unbelievable things people believe." - Leo Rosten (1908-)

Calm. Amidst the Storms

This may be my first post since I started the blog when I'm feeling fine. It's like a milestone I've reached.

I feel a little guilty for being fine. Isn't that silly?

I feel bad because others are not fine.

There are fires raging all around in Northern California and so far, I only have to deal with smoke in the air and in my eyes.

I have friends and family suffering for various reasons, and that makes me sad.

But I'm actually OK. Which I guess for me means that I feel like what I can control is under control now.

On the other hand, I'm bipolar, which means that this is the calm before the storm. I just hope it's a long time before the lightening strikes again.

Thought to end this post:
Weather is a great bluffer. I guess the same is true of our human society - things can look dark, then a break shows in the clouds and all is changed. - E.B. White (1899-1985)